


Mother's Day

by fobfantasia



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Ahahahahaha, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm, and josh's mom, his sister and mom mentioned, josh is here for like two lines, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-08 01:09:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6832702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fobfantasia/pseuds/fobfantasia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i don't even know if i'm alive how would i know what this is about</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mother's Day

**Author's Note:**

> why'd ves have to not be here at the worst time

“I had to make 500 shots before dinner. It helped that I was also homeschooled, so it was a part of my education, somehow. I went shopping with my mom, I helped her get groceries, and then came home and I had to shoot, so that’s what I learned growing up. Shortly after that I did go to regular school so I learned a lot of the social norms, but up until then, I had no idea what was right and what was wrong, other than shooting baskets.”

 

“That was right or wrong?”

 

“Uh… it was necessary.”

 

-

 

Tyler glanced over the door hinge and saw Josh muttering into his phone. He was smiling cheesily, and it made his heart feel like it was being wrung.

 

“Okay, Mom. Sorry I couldn’t see you. I love you. Happy Mother’s Day.”

 

Tyler could hear a “I love you too” through the receiver and he decided it was a safe time to walk in, pretending to not hear Josh and his mother’s conversation.

 

Josh’s head whipped around when Tyler cleared his throat and locked his phone. His first instinct was to reach out for his boyfriend’s hand and tangle their fingers.

 

He sighed, looking at their hands. “Maddie texted me.”

 

Josh’s eyes softened and he stood up, hugging the smaller man. “You don’t have to tell her anything, okay, Ty?”

 

“Sure,” he mumbled, he stood up and rushed into the other bedroom, locking the door. He hoped Josh knew not to bother him for a couple of minutes.

 

-

 

It was May 12 of 2004 and Tyler was suffering. Suffering in a way he couldn’t tell a soul. He couldn’t just whisper out how much he missed it, how desperate he was. It had been too long.

 

Then again, five days wasn’t that long.

 

But before that, it was over a year. Then it was just months, days, hours, minutes. Two years ago, his arms were littered in scabbed over lines that were so beautifulbeautiful _beautiful_ and he just wanted them to coat his body like a warm blanket.

 

It had been too long. Five close-to-each other nicks were nowhere near enough the 50 he used to count on his wrist. Nowhere near close to the one time he attempted to go upwards, but got scared and ended up with a thin, white diagonal scar. He should’ve gone through with it, shouldn’t have let that one boy in, who told him it wasn’t okay, who told his parents every time. Who got him stuck in therapy, who got all of his razors monitored for the next couple of years, who took all of his pencil sharpeners and the lady who told him to use mechanical pencils (he hasn’t been able to look at a blue Papermate mechanical pencil since).

 

He despised the day that his mother demanded unconditional love, even though she couldn’t give him that. Five lines on each thigh didn't seem too bad.

 

-

 

On May 12, 2016, Tyler glanced at his wrists, his stomach, the very tops of his thighs. He wishes they had them again, but he knew he couldn’t. Now it was too long, for sure. He had the tattoos to prove it, he was over it. He swore he’d never do it again.

 

The sinking feeling stuck, every year. His life was uprooted, every cut deemed useless. By a person he trusted and lost, all because he couldn’t give what he needed.

 

Alonealonealonealonealonealone _alone_

 

One wouldn’t hurt, right?

**Author's Note:**

> joshdunfucker on tumblr


End file.
